Jessica Velez Werner

Jessica Velez Werner, to me, she was just always my Aunt Jes.  I launched myself into her life when she was sixteen and I was six.  With only 10 years between us, she was almost an older sister in my eyes.  She was THE COOLEST person I have ever known and even when I became a mother, she maintained that status in my heart. She wore blue eyeshadow, black clothes, and listened to heavy metal.  She believed in wizards, and unicorns, and dragons.  She even had a pet snake! Jes was so cool, or in those days, she was “rad”! I spent my life in awe of her, even after she grew out of the blue eyeshadow.  Jes had a confidence about her that I could never even begin to emulate. She was who she was and she never felt the need to bend.  You could take her or leave her and she would just keep moving on.

She was never mean or condescending. In fact, she was exceptionally kind and graciously generous.  As cliché as it sounds, she truly would give you the shirt off her back.  She would laugh and probably make some off handed comment at hearing me say that, she would insist that she wasn’t that “good.” We would playfully argue about it and I would tease her about how many of the clothes currently in my closet once belonged to her. Then, after exhausting all arguments to the contrary, she would, in her surreal sense of humor, actually take her shirt off and hand it to me, laughing.  She was a bright light, with a fantastic sense of self, and a silly sense of humor.

She worked in medical offices most of her adult life. She was the calm voice on the other end of the phone, she was the gentle and reassuring smile at the door.  She worked and lived with compassion and gentleness.  My favorite thing though, about Jes, was when she would laugh.  Jessica had the most expressive eyes of anyone I’ve ever known.  When she was concerned her eyes were soft, when she was confused, they were narrow and her eyebrows would be at such an angle you’d think she drew them that way.  But when she laughed, her entire face would go up.  Her eyebrows would disappear into her forehead and her eyes would get huge, her mouth would open and she would let out a spurt of laughter, an explosion, then let it fade into a joyous sound that would carry through the room.  It was always fantastic and she could never fail to infect you with it.  I loved to shock her into laughter, I loved to see her eyes grow wide and surprised, that was my favorite. She mirrored both of her parents, perfectly melded together, in her laugh.  She took her mother’s expressions, and her father’s mirth, and made joy for everyone around her.

I have flashes of memories running through my mind.  Some of my favorite things to remember about her come in these glimpses and they’re short, but so meaningful.  They are precious to me. She called my Grandpa Joe, her dad, “Pops” and she would kiss the top of his bald, shiny head and scratch his bushy bearded chin. She called my mom “Tina” and her “little big sister.”  She laughed with my Grandma Gail in the kitchen and I could hear them from the outer space, or maybe it was just the other side of the house.  She loved Todd fiercely and she loved that her made her feel small, and safe.  She treated her pets, from dogs to snakes to geckos, like they deserved to be treated and she loved them each passionately and cared for them with her whole heart.  She could purr like a cat and had the best Xena war cry that would have made Lucy Lawless jealous.  She took me to see Lord of the Rings in the theater at least 9 times, and I mean 9 times for each of the 3 movies.  I told her I was always ready to go with her, I just needed to put on my shoes.

Jes would do anything for family, anything. Without question. From my perspective, a child looking up, once she loved you, she loved you forever and no matter what.   So many of her friends have been integrated into our family because Jessica found them worthy, and they are worthy, they have proven themselves so.  Some have been with her since childhood, some didn’t come until she was grown, but all are counted among her “best.” It was hard to know her and not want to be near her.  She had a magnetism, a draw.

Jes was always up for adventure and believed in the fantastic.  If she had a choice, Jessica would have lived in Hobbiton, she would have had Todd be a wizard, she would have ridden a dragon, and made a griffin sleep at the foot of her bed.  But she was also steady, she took care of those who needed her help, she was wise and gave sound advice.  She loved with her entire heart, with fierceness and strength, and you could see that love on her expressive face, in her beautiful blue eyes.

Our lives are forever changed.  Of course they are, there is no way to have a hole blown through your heart like this one and not be different on the other side.  I know Jes, and I know she wouldn’t want a spotlight drawn on her, she was content to just be herself in her happy place, at her desk with her beads, or watching a movie with her dogs.  But now, we shine that light on her because she deserves it.  For all of the times I fell short and she forgave me, for all of the times I cried and she comforted me, for all the times she made me laugh at myself and let me laugh with her.  I want my Aunt Jes’ life to be a bright light, to guide me towards gentle kindness, fierce love and loyalty, towards adventure with no fear of the unknown.  She never wasted her love, she spent it on those that deserved it, and Love never dies, it only grows.